So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
