i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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