its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
