dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
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