OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
