Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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