I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
