I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
