yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
