No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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