i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
