I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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