Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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