My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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