the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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