Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
