I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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