Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
