I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
