Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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