Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
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This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
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Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Sorry about my life...
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