I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
