my phone needs a breathalizer
just tell him i said nine months
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Randomize
