i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
