Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
you have to choose: penises or morals?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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