i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
