I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
