Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
