I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
