i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
