Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Randomize
