Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
her facebook's as public as her vagina
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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