I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
