yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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