with your own penis?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I need water and some morals
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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