your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
