i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
