it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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