Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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