did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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