so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
