So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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