Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
