what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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