i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
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