My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
