I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
