guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
