she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
