I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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