They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
