We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
