Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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