Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
