wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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