I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
