I just made out with a guy for $7.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
