i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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