I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
