she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
