her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
