At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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