I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize