census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
