forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
