I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
