so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
