My nipple is on Facebook.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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